The Necklace, Gravity, and the Butt Crack

It's 12:45pm, February 26th. I should be having a relaxing day without any children but today is just like any other day with my "clients" calling me to babysit. So, Camden is at his swim lesson, which he is excelling at btw, and I have Aidan and the neighbor girl, Maddie. Aidan has been on an onery streak since he came home from Gma.'s house...did I mention he was gone for a week to Nate's parents? Anyways, I'm walking in the hallway holding Aidan, who's trying to grab my new necklace my mom gave me for my birthday. He's being a punk and grabbed the medallion part of it and while I'm trying to not drop him in one arm, I'm trying to uncurl his strong little fingers with my other hand. My attempts are in vain and the medallion flies across the hallway. I proceed to give Aidan a time-out on my lap in a chair in the hallway and then go and find my necklace. I find, much to my relief, that the clasp was not broken but just came unclipped.

I'm supposed to be watching Camden swim and keep an eye on Maddie and Aidan, so as I'm walking down the hall keeping my two eyes on three different children, which caused me to go cross-eyed, I am trying to put my necklace back on while holding the medallion in my hand. Before I knew what happened, the medallion slipped down the back of my shirt! Now, this should not be that big of a deal, but if fell between my skin and my garments and it's cold and I don't want to be embarassed by objects falling out of my shirt as I walk because I can't catch it in the back so I try to find a section of wall where I can stand and see all three kids and not look that stupid...It didn't work.

My walking briskly to my inconspicuous place, caused gravity to wiggle the medallion even further down my body and it has now slipped past the waistband of my garments and is somewhere in my pants. I'm looking around frantically because I can't just leave and go to the bathroom because of the kids and I don't want to be the crazy lady standing in the middle of the YMCA with her hand down her pants* so I just stand with my back against the wall, looking around to see if anyone is staring, glancing, or just blinking in my general direction. When I deemed the coast to be clear I started acting like I was tucking my shirt in and oh so slyly slipped my hand down the back of my jeans, fingers frantically searching for the lost piece of jewelry causing my embaraASSment when suddenly! I felt it. It had rested like a quarter in a candy slot, right between the top part of my oh so cute butt crack. yeah, nice. So I pinch it, the medallion not my butt...though a good pinch now and then...I grab the medallion and nonchalantly withdraw my hand from "tucking" in my shirt and discreetly place the devil thing in my pocket.

This all happened within a matter of minutes but it felt like forever and I'm pretty sure this guy in the back of the room noticed my atrocious behavior but I just kept my head down, avoiding eye contact with everyone and herded Maddie and Aidan into the locker room. When I told my mom this story she asked if I had sanitized it yet...I hadn't of course. The thought had actually not crossed my mind. How disgusting am I?

So that's the story of the necklace, gravity, and the butt crack, ...my butt crack that is the miracle catcher of all things small and round. Who knew my arse was so talented?



*note to self: if i ever actually see a crazy lady like that in the Y, run, run, run!