"Kiss it and learn to love it!"
"Grandpa, what time is it?" - "Half past kissin time and time to kiss again!"
Painful "milk the mouse" on the pinkie finger
Crazy, tickly and sometimes a little scary, whisker rubs on the neck
And finally, my personal pet name from him, Wart.
These are phrases and memories that endear my grandpa to me. And I am so grateful for them because while we've been out here on vacation in Washington, my grandpa passed away from a sudden heart attack last Saturday night. The past few days have been crazy, emotional, busy, fun, and broken.
Family has flown in from all over. I've reunited with relatives I haven't seen in decades. That has been awesome. We spent the last three days cramming 10-13 people in a three bedroom beach house, making funeral, viewing, and program arrangements. It has been very therapeutic but also surreal. We're all gathered together and I keep waiting for him to walk in the door.
Papa Mac was only 73.
The viewing was hard. But I needed to see him lying on a table, with a quilt draped over him. He was to be cremated and that was my last chance to say goodbye. I wasn't ready. I walked in and ran to the opposite side of the room, having lost all composure. I knew I wanted to be there. I needed to be there. But seeing my grandpa laying down was like I jumped into arctic waters. All the air was sucked from my lungs. My mind refused to accept what I had witnessed. After a few minutes, I was calm enough to turn around, though I took my glasses off to ease me into it. Something about looking through blurry eyes made it more bearable.
I kneeled by my Uncle Mac; my grandpas namesake. I hadn't seen him in over 10 years. With my uncle's arm around me, I quietly sobbed, wishing my grandpa would wake up. My family was all around, each grieving in their own way but always ready to comfort others. I won't ever forget that picture in my mind.
Grandpa never wanted to be cried over, or "blubbering," as he called it. He chose to be cremated because he didn't want people to stare at him. He wanted a celebration of his life, of his family, of his legacy.
Well, Grandpa, you don't get the last say in everything and I've shed plenty of tears because you undervalued your worth to this family, especially to me.
The memorial is in a few days. I'll be speaking and singing. Although it's in the local LDS chapel, I'm wondering if I should be formal or do something that would have made Grandpa laugh, like wearing rainbow suspenders with too-big blue jeans and a white shirt. I wouldn't show my crack, but everyone would know who I was wearing them for. I'll let you know what happens.
Love you Grandpa
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10 comments:
Oh Lem! I'm so sorry! He sounds like such a loving man! Your family will be in my prayers!
I'm so sorry to hear that. He sounds so fun and hilarious!
Good luck with the singing and speaking and such. Love ya!
Emily, I am so sad for you. What a hard thing to go through, but what a blessing you could be there. Aren't memories wonderful? Anyway, I miss you! Come home soon so we can play . . . I went to the bunny fountains today for the first time. We loved it! Call me when you get back.
I am so sorry for your families loss. I am so thankful that you have been there to be with your family. I bet it has helped to all be together. Let me know if you need anything here. love ya...
Aw Lem! I'm so sorry! May the angels be with you while you sing bless your heart. I couldn't do it in a million years...
Emily, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It was one of the hardest things I had to deal with, when I lost my grandpa. May the Lord bless you and your family at this time! We will keep you in our prayers.
I'm so glad you were there already, and that you've been surrounded by family. That makes all the difference. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is to loose someone you love. Cherish those memories and share them with your children!
Ems! That was a sweet post about the memories of your gramps! I hope that you are now doing well and I am curious to see that picture of you in rain bow suspenders! :)
I was very close to my grandad when he passes away. I recall sobbing as much as my mom. May the memories you have of him always bring a smile to your face! I will keep you in my prayers!
Oh Emily! I'm so sad for you! My great grandpa died on my birthday so every year it's a little bittersweet for my mom and grandma. I read that you were in WASHINGTON and we haven't gotten together yet! It sounds like you've been really busy, but if you get a little bit of free time, call me! 360-892-6896. We'll do lunch. :-)
Emily, I am so sorry that your Grandpa passed away. I will be thinking of you and praying that you will be filled with all the sweet memories. Your the best!!!
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